The Self-Care Post
I am a huge advocate of self-care. It is, in fact, the thing I most frequently get on my soapbox about. I am the friend people reach out to when they need validation for their choice to stay home when they are feeling run-down, or that yes, girl, you absolutely should blow off that thing you’ve been dreading that you don’t actually have to be at, but you feel like you do out of politeness. But it’s not that I’m just a yes-man to my friends; I really do believe in what I’m saying.
For me, it’s based on the premise that you cannot put it on anyone else to make you Priority #1, and to know what is best for you and make sure you’re doing whatever that is. And it’s not because people are mean or selfish, it’s just that we’ve all got busy lives with lots of moving parts, and we’ve all got our own list of priorities. We simply can’t put everyone - even our all-time most-favorite people - at the top of the list. That’s not how lists work. And that’s where self-care comes in.
But self-care as a trend has been somewhat polarizing, and has been getting its own push-back from people. This is in large part because there are so many different interpretations of what self-care is. People balk at the image of boozy brunches or indulgent spa-days filled with manicures and massages in the name of self-care. It’s seen as selfish and privileged, gets painted in this light of exclusion. Not everyone has the means for these indulgences, so clearly self-care isn’t available to everyone. Right? Well, when you look at it that way, yeah. Absolutely. But that’s not what self-care is, at least not the way I see it.
Self-care is listening to your body and knowing what you need in order to feel good - physically, mentally and emotionally.
Self-care is saying no to things that drain you when you can, and making time to recharge afterwards when you can’t.
Self-care is staying on top of your doctor’s appointments, and being proactive in your own healthcare.
Self-care is setting boundaries and sticking to them, even when it means you may need to have an awkward or uncomfortable conversation.
Self-care is eating a vegetable from time to time, or cutting back on alcohol, even though nachos and beer are a goddamn gift.
Self-care is making time and space for the people in your life who fill your heart with joy and energize you at your core.
Self-care is reminding yourself of the good things in your life and appreciating them while you have them, not just once they’re gone.
Self-care is waking up 20 minutes earlier to walk or jog or practice yoga or meditate because it actually makes you feel better.
Self-care is giving yourself permission to recharge and rest your body and mind, because no one can maintain when running on fumes.
Self-care is nurturing the relationships that fill you up, and walking away from those that drain you.
Self-care is remembering to extend the same patience, forgiveness and grace to yourself as you would to anyone else you love.
Self-care is, above all, prioritizing yourself, if only for a few minutes each day, and treating yourself as you would your own child — whether that’s letting yourself indulge in something fun and comforting (because, let’s be real, a good boozy brunch or massage can be amazing), or being stern with yourself when you need to suck it up and do the damn thing. It’s listening to yourself and acting in your own self-interest, not just the interest in everyone else around you. What’s good for you? What fills you with joy and energy and life? What do you need to recharge so you can tackle the next day?
It’s about lifting your own needs to the same level as everyone else in your life. Not even necessarily above them, but to the same level. It’s caring for yourself just like you care for everyone else you love.
And no, it’s not realistic to think that we will always be able to care for ourselves in the best way all the time. And yes, it is absolutely a privilege to be able to “practice self-care” — a privilege that not everyone has access to, due to time and money and circumstance. But I think all of us, especially those of us who spend a lot of time and energy taking care of others, could benefit from making a little more space for our selves.